Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize