i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
