You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
