I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
