i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
