i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
