Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
