i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
