You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You smell like stripper and shame
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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