This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
