She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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