why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
