Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drake has all the answers
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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