Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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