I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
