I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.