girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb