i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!