I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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