okay pat passed out under dana's car
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
as a side note pls kill me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
