In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
