Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
