like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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