On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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