We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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