Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
