I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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