I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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