I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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