only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
