pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
