I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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