WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
