U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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