my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
