I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
