where am i from again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
