My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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