Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
