Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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