I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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