I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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