Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
