He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
