um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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