You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
