I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
