Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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