it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Boobs speak an international language.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
