When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
