I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
