Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
