I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
