Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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