Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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