Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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