When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
