I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
