My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize