OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
