Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
