my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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