I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
