11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was CRYING into my vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
