You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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