Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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