Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
