it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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