New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
