no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
