im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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