got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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